'Twas the night after Christmas and all through the home
Raged a terrible headache wherever you'd roam;
The house looked a wreck; there were signs everywhere
To prove to the world that St. Nick had been there.
The children were still having fun with their toys-
And breaking all records for long-sustained noise.
When out of the hall there arose such a clatter
I opened the door to see what was the matter
And what to my wondering eyes should appear
But a man in distress and devoid of all cheer
He lay on the floor of the corridor narrow
And out of the small of his back stuck an arrow...
It had come from the bow of his own little lad-
I knew in a moment it must be poor dad!
I rushed for the phone and had just turned around
When mother crashed into the room with a bound,
Pursued by a child with a rifle, Oh well,
It seems that, to please him, she played William Tell.
The apple was okay but mother was not-
There wasn't a shadow of doubt she'd been shot;
The kid was still shooting his air-gun - how merry!
He yelled, "Play some more, ma! It's funny, ma, very!"
Behind him came Willie, the boy from next door-
He carried a sword and yelled, "Let's play war!"
He rode on a broom, took a wild swing at me
And carved quite a strip from the cap of my knee;
Then out of his room tottered old Uncle Lew,
His arm in a sling and one left, I think, too;
He'd helped little Oscar try out a new sled
And had quite a gash on the top of his head;
He'd also been playing with Ethelberts' skis
And murmured quite weakly, "The ambulance please!"
Next came grandpa wallowing out of the bath-
(I'd never seen any man in such a wrath)-
He looked all awash; he was all dripping wet,
His clothes were all soused; he was angry, you bet;
It served him quite right, any man is a dub
When he tries to sail childrens toy boats in a tub!
I stood there agast when, no fooling, Aunt Nell
Swooped through on a kiddy-car, going pell-mell;
She upset the tree...there were sparks from a wire
I knew in an instant the house was on fire!
Then things all went black and when next I came to
I was out on the lawn with a pulmotor crew;
The house was still burning, the kids, little dears!
Were dancing and shouting and giving three cheers;
The fire chief stood and completed his work;
He snickered a bit, then, he turned with a jerk,
And laying a finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, he said, "Roll up the hose!"
He jumped in his car, sounded siren and whistle
And away he then flew like the down from a thistle.
And I heard him exclaim to his smoke-eating boys,
"Well, adults will play with kid's Christmas toys!"