Tales of the Technically Challenged

This is a true story from the WordPerfect help line. Needless to say the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for “Termination without Cause”.

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee:

Help Desk: “Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you?”
Customer:  “Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.”
Help Desk: “What sort of trouble?”
Customer:  “Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.”
Help Desk: “Went away?”
Customer:  “They disappeared.”
Help Desk: “Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?”
Customer:  “Nothing.”
Help Desk: “Nothing?”
Customer:  “It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.”
Help Desk: “Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?”
Customer:  “How do I tell?”
Help Desk: “Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?”
Customer:  “What’s a C: prompt?”
Help Desk: “Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?”
Customer:  “There isn’t any cursor: I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.”
Help Desk: “Does your monitor have a power indicator?”
Customer:  “What’s a monitor?”
Help Desk: “It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on?”
Customer:  “I don’t know.”
Help Desk: “Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?”
Customer:  “Yes, I think so.”
Help Desk: “Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall.”
Customer:  “.......Yes, it is.”
Help Desk: “When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?”
Customer:  “No.”
Help Desk: “Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.”
Customer:  “....... Okay, here it is.”
Help Desk: “Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer. ”
Customer:  “I can’t reach.”
Help Desk: “Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?”
Customer:  “No.”
Help Desk: “Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?”
Customer:  “Oh, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle – it’s because it ’s dark.”
Help Desk: “Dark?”
Customer:  “Yes –the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window. ”
Help Desk: “Well, turn on the office light then.”
Customer:  “I can’t.”
Help Desk: “No? Why not?”
Customer:  “Because there’s a power failure.”
Help Desk: “A power... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we’ve got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?”
Customer:  “Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.”
Help Desk: “Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.”
Customer:  “Really? Is it that bad?”
Help Desk: “Yes, I’m afraid it is.”
Customer:  “Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?”
Help Desk: “Tell them you’re too fucking stupid to own a computer.”